Afternoon, after nap is not as I originally planned. As I said in my last post, it’s the afternoon of the 7th/01/2025
Afternoon after nap, didn’t turn out as I originally planned. My plan, as I mentioned in my last post on today’s diary, was to take a rest, then I would get up with some energy and start cleaning.
After a very long nap, from about 9am I woke up at about 5pm. That was just how exhausted I was. Before I opened my eyes, I knew I wasn’t going to do any cleaning as planned.Â
I came downstairs, looked at the mess, and felt nothing about it. No quilt, no stress, nothing. I felt nothing. I proceeded to the kitchen, make myself a sandwich and a hot drink, then to the couch.
I saw the remote; I reached out to it unconsciously and just pressed the Netflix button. I pressed the first movie that came on the home page. I just sat there eating my sandwich. Then I made myself comfortable. Next thing I knew, I was enjoying the movie.
I watched four series—yes, four series of a movie. I have information about it.Â
About 9pm, I turned off the television and went back upstairs to my room. Back to my bed, read a book, and off I went back to sleep after taking some more painkillers.Â
Strange Acceptance
Usually, I will not accept to leave the mess and clutter overnight. So it was a great thing; I was able to ignore the house mess and do something that I enjoyed without feeling bad about it.
This is how I want my life to be now. Finding peace in living with imperfection from time to time when needed.
I get very stressed with mess, dirt, and clutter. It’s my weakness that made my life with depression extremely difficult. I started to move around and do things as my medication started to have a positive effect on my mental health. But not accepting to put myself first when I needed it was a difficult struggle.
So this is wonderful new progress, and I hope I will be able to keep on it for the long term.
